frugal fashionable farmer: this week....and my memories attached to it...

Christmas is officially less than 3 weeks away and I must say I have been feeling the joy that goes along with this time of year, but also the sadness that accompanies the holidays when you are missing someone special. I guess this week will forever be the tough one for me because it marks my first (and only) visit to Vegas, where I got to have some much needed quality daddy daughter time. My dad loved this city and had been quite a few times. We had so many good conversations in this short trip. He stayed in the Paris hotel across the street from where I was staying - The Bellagio. I packed a coffee maker in my luggage, because I am frugal like that ;) , and would wake up early and walk a hot cup of coffee across the street and up to his room the three mornings we were both there. We were always so much alike - we had a very hot and cold relationship. We had pretty hot tempers and were both hard-headed as hell, and knew whatever it was we were talking about, I was always right - and so was he! ha! Anyway, in that trip, we actually had some major breakthrough in our relationship and without even speaking of our normal butting of heads, we got over ourselves. We accepted each other as we were and embraced all the good and normal human qualities that we each had.

The next year, we spoke to each other more than we ever had in my adult life. I spent Fathers Day that year taking goofy selfies with him, and our conversations were so good. I also purchased my farm that year and he was so excited and called or texted every single day during the process to see how things were going. The summer of 2014, he even talked to me about taking in his wild Rose. Rose was his pasture ornament, and she was never broken, just a free girl that he enjoyed having on his property in his golden years. I was terrified of horses, so of course, declined to take her in....but the universe had other plans...

The next January (2015) my dad was gone in an instant. A car crash. Worlds turned upside down for me, my brother, and younger sister. If you follow pretty regularly here, there are several posts about the changes that took place after his death, so I won't go into it again. BUT let me just share with you how grateful I am for that spontaneous Vegas get-together was. That was a real turning point for me and my dad and had we not had that time together, his loss would have been even more detrimental than it already was, but because of that time in Vegas, we were able to build a better relationship than we had ever had since I was an adult. Of course I wish we wouldn't have been so hard-headed, and he and I could have been this way our whole lives, but again, the universe had other plans, and I wouldn't have cherished the Vegas time as much as I do.

I am happy to report that the three of us (my sis, bro, and I) are closer and tighter than we ever have been, and this Father's Day, this is what we were able to give him. Last year this was not the case. Time does not only heal all wounds, but gives you the time to see other perspectives. To grieve properly, and to give each other what we needed, which I learned it really is impossible to help others if you have not properly given yourself what you need first...

I leave this post with some songs that my dad loved, that when I hear them they always remind me of him, and also some pics from our time in Vegas and then the goofy selfie from his last Father's Day here with us. Christmas was never really a big holiday for me and my dad - I always spent it with my mama at her house, and he had his own little Christmas at his slice of heaven with my sister, so I don't have the emptiness that so many have from the empty chair at Christmas, but my emptiness is more from this certain week, and how for the rest of my life I will cherish these memories and this opportunity to grow closer. <3

breakfast at the Bellagio..... he was texting my little sis - ha! <3